by Joey Rayburn
USC – Last night, Junior Darren Tuppence cobbled together the most ungodly piece of trash essay, the likes of which this campus has never seen. Now, he’s hoping and praying that his TA gives even less of a shit about grading it than he gave about writing it.
“I just really hope mine is the last one she grades, because at that point she might be so exhausted she’ll just give me a C- and call it a night,” said Tuppence.
Tuppence’s TA, Sandra Rutherford, is a graduate student in the classics department, and it was unknown as to whether or not Rutherford would go easy on the dimwitted Tuppence.
“She could really go either way,” confessed Tuppence. “I have a bad feeling the time I came to discussion 30 minutes late only to sleep for the next 20 is going to come back to haunt me.”
Despite this potential setback, Tuppence did not lose hope: “If you think about it, it really benefits her to just give me a passing grade, because if I fail, it makes her look like she’s not doing her job well, right? Right? Yeah, I’m right.”
He was not, and received a D+ for his troubles.