No Change in EVK Menu

By Margaret Danenhauer 

LOS ANGELES, CA — The USC community was left unshocked and unshaken after reports were released allegeding there were bugs in the dining hall food, as per usual.

“I seriously can’t believe there were maggots in the cereal,” said student OJ Thesimpsons. “Next you’re going to tell me there’s caffeine in the coffee or rat pellets in the brownies.”

At press time, USC has not made plans to change the menu to remove pest-based servings, although Interim President Kim did not suggest that they might create a bug free option available exclusively on the FlexReduce100 dining plan, so called because it will reduce the bug parts in each meal from 100 to 10 per gram and also cost $100 per swipe.