From the Archives: Top 10 Commandments

From the Archives: Top 10 Commandments

By Julian Avrith

MOUNT SINAI, EGYPT– As the newly enlightened people of Israel and children of God, today we’re counting down the top 10 commandments Moses brought down on two stone tablets from Mount Sinai. 

10. Thou shalt not have no other Gods before me.

Coming in at number 10 is the commandment concerning false idols. While no commandment can be the worst, this one feels redundant because there are no other Gods. At least to our current knowledge.

9. Remember the Sabbath Day, to keep it holy.

While we honor this one, this was something we do ALREADY do to keep track of time. Like, no sweat, God! We totally got this. 

8. Honor thy mother and father.

I honor my mother and father everyday, especially since they both drowned in the parting of the Red Sea (they were standing too far to the side).

7. Thou shalt not covet.

We must remember to be grateful for what we have: bread, sometimes water, and large walking sticks. We love our large walking sticks! 

6. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

We hope He likes this list! See? It’s so easy to be nice to God and not talk about him in vain. Shoutout once again to God for making this all possible. And for everything else on Earth.

Boom! Just did it again.

5. Thou shalt not steal.

I am so with God on this one. Not only is stealing pretty rude, it makes me sad. 

4. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

We honor this commandment, and we can assure you everything we publish is absolute truth. It definitely deserves a number four ranking!

3. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.

Absolutely can do! I know what this one means.

2. Thou shalt not kill.

One of our all time favorite commandments, as long time fans of our stone-tabletzine will know. I think it’s fair to say this one saved my life a few times, which earns it the coveted second place spot on the list. 

1. Thou shalt not commit adultery

While all the other commandments are great, none of them outright saved my marriage like this one did. Thanks, God!