USC Affirms its Commitment to Being a Limited Speech Zone

By Margaret Danenhauer 

LOS ANGELES — In a recent email to the student body, Interim President Beong-Soo Kim clarified USC’s dedication to minimal speech. “Now more than ever, speech is being spoken. Some say it should be free – but others say it’s priceless,” said Kim. “A certain amount of speech will always be free within certain confines in terms of certain topics depending on seasonal availability and whether I personally feel like it.”

USC’s website now boasts a handy list of ‘honey do’ and ‘honey don’t’ topics for students and staff. “DO: Be kind to others,” it begins. “DON’T: Criticize racism on your Instagram story at the risk of expulsion.” “DO: Hate on the Sack of Troy. DON’T: Hate on Rick Caruso. DO: Fight on! DON’T: Even try it,” the website continues. “Now and forever, USC will remain an enclosed space for monologue,” Kim said as he ended his address. “And I encourage every Trojan to attend our upcoming Center for Political Diversity lecture series, ‘Republicans Getting Paid to Shout About Being Silenced.’”