By Malaya Galindez
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK – After a slew of TikTok hate comments filled her page, cottagecore influencer Stella Bridges has been exposed as just a white woman with an unkempt hairstyle and clothes from DePop.
Although the 20-year-old built a massive online following of Zoomers, whose only personality trait is pretending to like hiking, Bridges’ “mother status” crumbled when fans spotted key discrepancies in her carefully curated aesthetic. Her “compost powered herbal garden”? Plastic succulents on a windowsill facing a wall. Her “locally sourced, organic honey”? High-fructose corn syrup in a Trader Joe’s pasta sauce jar. Worst of all, “the hand woven knit sweaters” she sells for $80 on Etsy? Shein stock from last year.
Yet Bridges defends her forgery, claiming she’s not a poser in a recent video. “This urban jungle just chokes my aura… I’m trying my best to find nature’s spirit amidst this grime. If I don’t, the rope of capitalist society grows tighter and tighter around my neck,” she explained while sipping a pumpkin spice latte with whole milk produced by a minimum wage worker.
Her TikTok fans remain unconvinced in her comment section. xxFairieWitchGirlxx said, “so sad… rly thought you were one of us.” “you told us ‘eat local’ so i ate mushrooms from my backyard. now i’m paralyzed from the waist down. thanks bitch.” remarked ScorpioMoon147. Finally, AndrewTateTopMe999 encapsulated the lingering anger by commenting, “u r y females should not leave the kitchen!!1!”
Bridges plans to redeem herself by adopting an authentic cottagecore lifestyle. She will spend the next seven days in rural Appalachia, subsisting on nothing but cold grits and coal-related carcinogens, before cursing out her fans and renting a luxury log cabin Airbnb.