Oscars Host Still Milking Will Smith Slap For Jokes

By Rafael Diaz

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Determined not to let a good comedy cow go to waste, Oscars host Conan O’Brien is reportedly still milking the Will Smith slap incident for jokes. “For this year’s show, I want to do something different and only do topical bits entirely devoted to the slap, and I think it’s gonna be a hit,” said an enthusiastic O’Brien. 

O’Brien reportedly plans to deliver his monologue surrounded by an armed security detail and explain to the audience it’s “a small precaution in case a G.I. Jane joke slips out of my mouth.” 

When trying the bit out in dress rehearsal, O’Brien was buoyed with confidence after garnering some light chuckles. He then proceeded to lay on a barrage of slap precaution bits, including a video montage of himself doing precautionary mixed martial arts training, introducing guests from inside a plexiglass Popemobile-style box, and shadowboxing award winners during their speeches. Chuckles devolved into frustrated groans as O’Brien beat the Will Smith slap horse dead beyond recognition, eventually reaching such a flow state that he failed to notice the guests leaving their seats and walking out of the theater.

“Oh God, it was brutal,” said the rehearsal seatfiller for Emma Stone. “The first few bits were kinda fun, but by the time he rolled up wearing a bubble-wrapped football uniform halfway through the show, I knew it was time to go.”

One attendee, however, loved the Fresh Prince-themed comedy. “This is the funniest comedy act I’ve ever seen in my whole life,” said comedian Jimmy Fallon from inside the theater, “I’ve been slapping my imaginary desk so hard the entire time!” 

At press time, O’Brien was attempting one final haymaker of a bit by fighting the real Will Smith in a cage match, only to realize that he had left with the rest of the audience.