Business Bro Confused By New MLM Show
By Charlotte Dekle
THE COTTAGE, CA — Recent USC Marshall graduate Scott Hunter (no relation) has been confounded by the explosion of new MLM show Heated Rivalry.
“Everyone kept telling me, ‘Scott, you have to see this new MLM show!’ I’m like, great, multilevel marketing, my degree finally being represented in the media. They even said there was a character with my same name who, like me, is super into banana smoothies,” Hunter said.
Hunter then recruited his girlfriend, Rose Landry (no relation), to watch the show, who then recruited five others, who then recruited five others. Per Hunter’s account, Landry seemed a little too thrilled to watch the show. “She had never expressed any interest in my field of scamming people out of their livelihoods and forcing them to enrich those at the top with no commensurate benefits for themselves, so it came as a bit of a surprise how much she wanted to see the show,” Hunter said.
Hunter opened his HBO Max account and was shocked to find very little conversation around downline commissions. Instead, he was greeted by two hockey players absolutely pounding it out in 4K. “This is not what I signed up for,” Hunter said. “I’m not bigoted—my cousin plays hockey—but this has nothing to do with MLMs. I was assuming that it would eventually pivot into Hayden Pike selling herbal supplements to pay for all of his goddamn children but it never did.”
When pressed further, Hunter’s opinions on the show extended beyond its absence of business acumen.
“It’s just the typical blonde bisexual top, brunette gay bottom trope that we’ve seen a thousand times,” Hunter said. “It doesn’t necessarily move the genre forward in any meaningful way. That Hollander guy is pretty good looking, though.”
Hunter was found scrolling through Zillow to find cottages in the Montreal area (no relation).
