Least Favorite Sibling Ornament on Back of Tree

By Jada Leung

SAN GABRIEL, CA – Local knucklehead and 8-year-old Jonathan Munch, of Munch family fame, was left distraught last Thursday when a snowflake ornament with his face on it was placed on the back of the family Christmas tree.

Sources close to the subject reported that the annual family tree decorating went as it always did: Jill and Jennifer ate tinsel, James fucked up the colors on the LED lights again, and the oldest, best siblings did most of the decorating.

“No, we don’t really like to keep individual ornaments,” said local mother Julia Munch, running her fingers over a snowman with cousin Jordan Munch’s face, and an ornament of baby Jonny Munch riding a reindeer. “It’s just too personal. The holiday season is about togetherness, family bonding, and following a big star to give birth. A lot.”

As such, the front of the tree was decorated in the handmade ornaments, school projects, and Christmas cards of exactly 36 out of the 37 Munch family members. It was a real tribute to this beautiful family, and their dedication to (almost) all of each other over the years.

“We don’t have any beef with Jonathan,” said oldest sibling Jatherine Munch. “It’s not like we all hate his Flushed-Away-ass face. We just put his ornament facing the window, so everyone else can see it.” She pointed to the window, which had the blinds drawn. Jatherine’s ornament was a Santa Claus with her graduation photo over his face.

At press time, Jonathan Munch was spotted not talking to his family and completely devoid of any holiday spirit, that punk. Also, he refused to comment because he’s a little bitch boy.