Trump Breaks Ground on New Führerbunker for President’s Day

By Rafael Diaz

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of his President’s Day celebration, President Trump announced that he will begin construction on a new Führerbunker in the nation’s capital. In one of 517 Truth Social posts today, the President wrote: “Under my leadership, America has entered a very German time in its life. Therefore, we should complete our nation’s fascism cosplay by building me a new Big Beautiful Bunker.”

According to the White House, the new Reich headquarters will replace the recently closed Kennedy Center. There is no word yet, however, on whether or not President Trump plans to reenact all events in the bunker for maximum historical realism.