Tuesday, April 13, 2021
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Queen Finally Defeats Zombie Prince Phillip

April 9, 2021April 9, 2021 Alexandra Ornes 141 Views

By Alexandra Ornes LONDON, UK – After years of battle, on Friday morning the Queen finally defeated the Zombie form

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World 

Whale Found Dead off the Coast of Italy Actually Just a Large Seafood Calzone

February 24, 2021February 24, 2021 Emily Torp 236 Views

By Emily Torp NAPLES, ITALY — After initially reporting they found an enormous whale carcass off the southern coast, the

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World 

Study Finds Small Doses of 5G Promote Super Powers Like Telekinesis and Jumping Really High and Stuff

February 3, 2021February 1, 2021 Hannah Ryan 316 Views

By Hannah Ryan LOS ANGELES, CA–– A recent report by the World Health Organization on the effects of 5G on

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World 

CEO Of Racism Steps Down Amid Rumors Of Tolerant Remarks

January 18, 2021April 7, 2021 Staff 354 Views

By Staff MONTGOMERY, ALABAMA – Following several weeks of rumors and allegations that he’s been “getting soft” and fails to

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World 

Measles, Polio Assure Sobbing COVID-19 That a Vaccine Doesn’t Mean Extinction

January 12, 2021January 10, 2021 Drew Thomas-Nathan 344 Views

By Drew Thomas-Nathan WESTWOOD, CA — A vaccine for COVID-19 is finally here and just starting to be distributed. Sensing

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World 

Santa’s Elves Classified As Independent Contractors For Tax Reasons

December 24, 2020February 6, 2021 Adam Sanderson 279 Views

By Adam Sanderson NORTH POLE – On December 25th, a new law allowing Santa-Co. LLC to refuse employee benefits from

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World 

Pfizer Confirms Vaccine Just Vial of the True Spirit of Christmas

December 23, 2020January 23, 2021 Melanie Hoffmann 209 Views

By Melanie Hoffmann NEW YORK, NY – In a bombshell news conference, Pfizer spokesperson Malia Wexler confirmed that their coronavirus

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World 

Vaccine to Be Made Available to The Most Fuckable People First

December 14, 2020January 21, 2021 Maggie Bowen 386 Views

By Maggie Bowen DETROIT, MI  – As Moderna and Pfzier rush to ship out their vaccines, the CDC laid out

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Attention Vortex Entertainment World 

Quiz: Which “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel” Lyric Describes Your Sex Life?

December 10, 2020January 21, 2021 Drew Thomas-Nathan 547 Views

By Drew Thomas-Nathan The Sack of Troy’s most brilliant and dedicated in-house sociologists have discovered that every human being’s sex

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World 

FDA Fast Tracks Covid Vaccine After Learning Coronavirus Causes Erectile Dysfunction

December 9, 2020January 21, 2021 Alexandra Ornes 291 Views

By Alexandra Ornes WASHINGTON D.C. – On Saturday scientists announced erectile dysfunction could be a long-term side effect of Coronavirus,

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  • Local 6 Year Old Fed Up with Sinful Hubris of Man
  • Queen Finally Defeats Zombie Prince Phillip
  • Another Poop Found In White House Hallway, Biden Blames Dog Again
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    Tucker Carlson Removes Helmet of Hair to Reveal LEGO Head
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