Scientists Finally Agree On What Constitutes Third Base
by Emily Halaka NEW YORK CITY, NY - For centuries, scientists, philosophers, and teenagers have ferociously debated what, exactly, constitutes Read more
World
Climate Scientists Warn All Video Games Will Include Shitty Underwater Levels by 2026
by Colin McIsaac LOS ANGELES, CA — A team of scientists gathered at the University of Southern California on Tuesday Read more
New Research Concludes Three Alt Rights Do Not Make An Alt Left
by Colin Mullins HARVARD, CONN. -- After less than a minute of analysis, researchers have concluded that three “alt-rights” do Read more
“People Need to Be More Open-Minded,” Asserts Woman Who Unfriended Everyone with Different Views
by Christine Politte SILVER LAKE, CA -- Saddened by the country’s deep ideological divisions, local woman Marilyn Reed made a Read more
Hollywood Soon To Run Out Of Adjective-Number Combinations For Movie Titles
by Amanda Suarez HOLLYWOOD, CA -- With the release of Magnificent Seven and Ridiculous 6, Hollywood is headed towards a Read more
Study Finds DayQuil To Be Gateway Drug To NyQuil
by Michael Savio WASHINGTON -- The Food and Drug Administration confirmed in a recent study that use of the drug Read more
God Confirms One Like Equivalent To One Prayer
by Michael Savio HEAVEN – At a recent press conference, our divine Lord and Creator stated that, without a doubt, Read more
Busty 10-Point Buck Has Back Problems, Gets Antler Reduction Surgery
by Jack Hackett photo by Martin Driver THE WOODS -- After years of back pain, whitetail buck, Daniel Deerson, made Read more
Scientists Calculate the 100th Letter of LGBTQA
by Matt Hanisch LOS ANGELES, CA -- Scientists have long wondered about the increasing number of letters in LGBTQA+, but Read more
Tom Hanks to Star in Biopic About Tom Hanks
by Jacob Surovsky HOLLYWOOD, CA -- After an acting career of nearly 40 years, Tom Hanks is ready to take Read more