“I’m Doing Absolutely Fantastic” Shouts Donald Trump Swarmed By Bees
by Ian Riley WASHINGTON DC -- A recent public event in the Rose Garden was cut short when a swarm Read more
Politics
Trump and Aides Play Pin the Signature on the Executive Order
by Kim Rogers and Jack Hackett OVAL OFFICE -- Settling into the White House, President Donald Trump and his aides Read more
Trump Announces Presidential Pet: Infertile White Tiger Named Maserati
by Ryan Zubery NEW YORK, NY -- In an address given from his gold-plated Manhattan penthouse, best described as a Read more
Hillary Clinton Hangs Up Spurs, Moseys Off Into Sunset
by Jack Hackett AMERICA -- After failing to make it into the presidential office on Tuesday, Hillary Clinton called it Read more
Tim Kaine Bursts Into Harmonica Solo In The Face Of Difficult Debate Questions
by Georgina Chiou LONGWOOD UNIVERSITY, VA -- Democratic Vice Presidential nominee Tim Kaine has garnered a tremendous amount of attention Read more
Voters Relieved Debate Changed Nothing
by Staff AMERICA -- The first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump quelled the fears of local voters Read more
Treasury Makes 3/5ths Compromise, Puts Harriet Tubman on $12 Bill
by Thomas Marshall US TREASURY -- A nationwide poll was conducted recently, and abolitionist Harriet Tubman was chosen to be Read more
Millennial Comes Out as Hillary Supporter, Friends Just Wish He Was Gay
by Mark Lee USC -- In the safe space of his dormroom, freshman Gabe Colton sat his closest friends down Read more
Overweight Republican Candidates to Follow Carson’s “Fruit Salad of Life” Diet
by Aaliyah Qureishi AMERICA -- Former GOP candidate Ben Carson has recently withdrawn from the Presidential Race, in order to Read more
Bernie Sanders’ Campaign Replaces “Billionaire Class” Campaign Bus With VW Camper Van
by Chad Lonski AMERICA -- Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has announced plans to replace his fancy and elitist campaign bus Read more