Girl’s Boyfriend Like, The Funniest Guy Ever
by Chai Karve USC -- We at the Sack of Troy have received word that local junior Jane Lazuli’s boyfriend Read more
News in Brief
Toes Slip Out From Bottom of Blankie
by Chai Karve MAZDA BROOK, NJ -- Late Thursday night, in a suburban home in northern New Jersey, 7 year Read more
Mom Only Person to Talk Shit to Daughter’s Face and Compliment Behind Back
by Sydney Sanchez LOS ANGELES, CA -- After overhearing her mother on the phone, college sophomore Eloise Van realized that Read more
Netflix Adds “& Chill” Section Featuring Several Hours of Background Noise
by Matt Hanisch LOS GATOS, CA — Based on feedback from numerous sources, Netflix has discovered that its viewers no Read more
Dakota Access Pipeline Finds Alt. Route Through Black Neighborhood
by Matt Hanisch LAKE OAHE, ND — After enduring several protests from members of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe, developers Read more
Ralphs Fixes Typo, Adds Apostrophe
by Chai Karve COMPTON, CA -- At Ralphs Corporate Headquarters, panic is afoot. Top analysts in the company came to Read more
Rejected Rushee Celebrates Blackout Monday Alone in Room with Lights Off
by Kim Rogers PARDEE— After a competitive rush process and a stinging rejection, Toby Webb came out on top and Read more
Local Man Mildly Miffed by Excessively Long Receipt After Buying One Thing
by Jack Hackett, Chai Karve, and Tarek Roshdy CVS -- After going through self-checkout, Local man Terry Rivers received an Read more
Festival of Books Just Comic Con for Nerds
by Jack Hackett USC -- This past weekend, thousands attended the LA Times Festival of Books on campus, which is Read more
Slumbering Student Woken By Fire Alarm, Goes Back to Sleep
by Jonathan Yoo USC HOUSING -- Hundreds of students were startled by the fire alarm drills that took place across Read more