Local Cuck Celebrated Valentine’s Day Watching Kenny G Rail Girlfriend
by Joey Rayburn LOS ANGELES, CA – Yesterday, couples across the country celebrated their love with flowers, dinners, and meaningful Read more
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Art Major Draws Nudes So He Can Be Productive AND Horny
by Jose Cardenas ROSKI -- In a curious case of specialization, sophomore Adam Sava exclusively draws and paints nude figures, Read more
Anime Kid From Middle School Grew Up Just How You Expected
by Eloise Rollins-Fife LOS ANGELES, CA -- In a completely predictable turn of events, social media posts confirmed this weekend Read more
USC Launches New Resources to Help Suicidal Students Return Textbooks First
by Keith Herrmann UNIVERSITY PARK CAMPUS – Following concerns from various student mental health advocacy groups, the University of Southern Read more
Best Friend From High School Clearly Lying About Getting Laid in College
by Alex Greenblatt NEW YORK CITY – The Sack confirmed last Thursday that Rob Broux’s best friend from high school, Read more
Nation Really Hopes R. Kelly Isn’t One of the Masked Singers
by Kylie Harrington HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. -- Jaws clenched, fists tightened and brows furrowed, fans of Fox’s hit singing show The Read more
Student Graduates Semester Early to Get Jump Start on Unemployment
by Joey Rayburn USC – Senior Roger Morris has just finished college an entire semester early, meaning he's about to Read more
Surplus of Spring Admits to be Housed in Forested Wolf Dens
by Drew Thomas-Nathan GRIFFITH PARK, CA -- Due to a lack of available freshman housing space, some students admitted for Read more
Baby Jesus Sees Shadow, Won’t Be Crucified for Another Four Months
by Keith Herrmann BETHLEHEM– For the third year in a row, the newborn Jesus Christ has seen his shadow and Read more
Take-Home Final Won’t Leave, Wants to Get Breakfast
by Veronica Marks LOS ANGELES, CA - This morning, after college junior Matthew Fuller had already done his take-home final, Read more