Female Jogger Breaks Personal Record for Most Miles with Van Following
by Melanie Hoffmann TUCSON, AZ — On Thursday, local Tucson resident Winona Clark passed a personal milestone in her fitness Read more
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College Friends Finally Get to Reunite After Their Weird Friend Makes Them on the Sims
By Bryn Doyle CARLSBAD, CA – After two months of quarantine and the school year over, University of Southern California Read more
Marshall Student Uses Stimulus Check to Buy Three More Stimulus Checks
By Karan Menon UNIVERSITY PARK, CA — In a stroke of financial genius, Marshall School of Business senior Barnett Rogers Read more
Local Man Reaches Bottom of Pornhub
By Jonathan Krone HOBOKEN, NJ — During a long and unsuccessful search for the perfect porno to stroke his sausage Read more
Silver Lining: This Old Man with Alzheimer’s Just Forgot How to be Racist
By Patrick Duffy WORCHESTER, MA — They say that when God closes a door, He opens a window, and while Read more
Local Man Swears Mother’s Day Card was Lost in Mail on Way to her Room
by Melanie Hoffmann FRESNO, CA — Despite the tragedy of the COVID-19 pandemic, local mother Martha Ginderson was happy that Read more
Self-Respecting Dog Believes Right Squirrel Won’t Need to be Chased
by Christine Politte PASADENA, CA — For local pooch Murphy, the dog days are over — or at least the Read more
New Succulent Owner Still Depressed
By Patrick Duffy LOS ANGELES, CA — Multiple reports from witnesses, roommates, and mental health specialists confirmed that local university Read more
Good Neighbor Delivers Groceries to Elderly Homes Even With Cough and Fever
By Rachel Michelman PHOENIX, AZ — Ethel Bates was taken aback when she found out that Arizona had issued a Read more
Company Gives Prospective Intern Choice to Absolutely Fucking Humiliate Himself on Phone or In Person
by Keith Herrmann LOS ANGELES, CA – Telling the student to “pick his poison,” a local company offered a prospective Read more