SCA’s George Lucas Building to be Renamed in Light of Allegations That He Sucks
by Keith Herrmann SCA – USC’s School of Cinematic Arts has moved forward with plans to remove George Lucas’s name Read more
Author: Staff
Mars Rover Told There Would Be Other Rovers When It Got There
by Keith Herrmann MARS – A lonesome NASA rover sent to collect evidence of ancient life on Mars was falsely informed that Read more
Grocery Bagger Shamefully Returns to Double Life as Actor on Shitty Sitcom
by Keith Herrmann BURBANK, CA – Tim Brewer, 34, embarrassedly clocked out of his well-paying gig as a grocery bagger Read more
Report: EVKitty Now Bullying Transfer Students for Swipes
by Dan Toomey With a shocking change of character, the once-cuddly, beloved EVKitty is now intimidating transfer students for meal Read more
Dr. Drew Casper Dissolves into Silver Mist Mid-Lecture, Ascends Beyond Mortality
by Dan Toomey NORRIS THEATER -- CTCS 190 students were thrown into shock on Monday when, in the middle of Read more
Opinion: I Don’t Like it When You Call Me ‘Big Poppa’
by Ethan Thomson To all the ladies in the place with style and grace, please allow me to make one Read more
Elon Musk Blacks Out, Builds Iron Man Suit
by Joseph Grazier BEL AIR, CA - Following a night of heavy drinking at a “rich people party,” billionaire, philanthropist, Read more
The Boys Are Back in Town For Their Quarterly Fiscal Review
by Colton Stock TOWN, AMERICA - Earlier this morning, it was confirmed that “them wild-eyed boys” just got back. The Read more
Don’t Worry! Guy At Party Has Copy Of Manuscript In His Car
by Emily Halaka ECHO PARK, CA - When local twentysomething Anna Mendosa engaged in cordial small talk with friend-of-a-friend Adrian Read more
Guy ‘Super Bummed There Are No Hot Chicks’ in His Gender Studies Class
by Ethan Thomson TAPER HALL – Sophomore Chad McCallister sat down in a Taper Hall lecture room on Tuesday for Read more