Post-Divorce Fun-Dad Is Scaring the Children
by Ethan Thomson LOS ANGELES, CA — On Tuesday, recently divorced and newly “fun-dad” Rob Cooper attempted to take his Read more
Author: Staff
Guest Speaker Put To Sleep By Student’s Long-Winded Personal Anecdote
by Emily Halaka USC – Deep into cinema student Evan Carmody’s egregiously long tale disguised as “asking a relevant question,” Read more
New Poll Conducted by the Cool Kids Concludes That I’m Gay
by Ethan Thomson According to a new poll conducted by the cool kids at New Summit Middle School, I am Read more
Student Hopes TA Gives as Little Shit About Grading Essay as He Gave to Writing It
by Joey Rayburn USC – Last night, Junior Darren Tuppence cobbled together the most ungodly piece of trash essay, the Read more
Man Uses Pins on Denim Jacket as Replacement for Personality
by Nimisha Narayanan LOS ANGELES, CA -- After a month of hesitation and loitering outside of thrift shops, local man Read more
“I’m Doing Absolutely Fantastic” Shouts Donald Trump Swarmed By Bees
by Ian Riley WASHINGTON DC -- A recent public event in the Rose Garden was cut short when a swarm Read more
Hunk of Raw Masculine Sex Appeal Blasts Mumble Rap on Portable Speaker as He Longboards Through Campus
by Nolan Jones USC -- Those walking down Trousdale Parkway on Wednesday were treated to a powerfully erotic sight: a Read more
C.L. Max Nikias Spends Weekend Snorting Coke Off Toilet Seat In Gender Neutral Bathroom of Culver City Target
by Nolan Jones CULVER CITY, CA -- Liberated from his responsibilities running a world-class research university, USC President C.L. Max Read more
I Have a Rolling Backpack and I Still Pull More Bitches Than You
by Kylie Charney-Harrington I know you’ve seen me around. The swagger in my walk, the tucked-in polo, the cuffed jeans. Read more