Student Mistakes Adderall for Viagra, Has a Really Hard Final

By Luca Soltero

LOS ANGELES, CA – USC freshman Sydney Caviola reportedly blamed his lackluster calculus grade on mistaking a Viagra tablet for Adderall. 

Like many other students at the university, Caviola relies on a regular dose of amphetamines each morning to keep himself focused and aware in order to prepare himself for the fat loads that professors unleash upon their students. However what was supposed to be a regular final’s day quickly turned to disaster following a horrible, yet exciting discovery, he had swallowed the wrong pill that morning.

“I really thought that the Adderall was working for the first 15 minutes, but then it happened, boom, straight to my dick.” he said. “To be honest, I was kind of into it knowing my professor was watching. Plus, the curvy integrals really helped.”

When Professor Redfern was asked to come before the ethics committee concerning a possible case of cheating she made the following statement: “One of the proctors suspected him of cheating because he kept making strange facial expressions while taking the test, it seemed like he was focusing way too hard. At one point it seemed like he wasn’t even taking the test, just vigorously using both of his hands to get his TI-84 going. According to the proctor, towards the end of the testing period the student wasn’t even visible due to what seemed to be large goops of ejaculate smeared across his laptop and camera.”

Fortunately, Caviola was able to retake the final after complimenting the professor’s integral curves, securing him a cool B- in the class, and the professor’s personal email. 

Picture by Thought Catalog on Unsplash and www.quotecatalog,com