By Alexandra Ornes
LOS ANGELES, CA – In a total bad bitch moment, Always has come out with a new line of ‘girlboss’ period products, and with a tampon applicator with so much girl power, it will practically have you praying to get your period every day.
“When I first saw the new applicator, I wanted to jam this tampon so far up my vagina that it would stay in there for days,” said thirteen-year-old Ellie Sheldon, who got her first period two months ago. “The flowers and cool design make me feel so empowered that I actively announce I’m on my period. As I’m walking down the hall to the bathroom, I proudly yell to everyone I see that ‘I am on my woman days. Here is my tampon’ and show it to them. They all think I’m a total badass queen.”
“We really wanted to embrace the essence of a girlboss with this tampon applicator,” said Fred Hank, a spokesman for Always. “It took a lot of brainstorming. Our marketing team is mostly male, so all of us had to go out and find one female to see what #girlboss meant to them. Most of us, admittedly, asked our moms, but they’re women… right? I mean they’re all in their 70s, but they totally get what it’s like to be a teenager getting a period in this day and age.”
“I’m so jealous Ellie has her period and can use the new tampon,” said Hanna Brendel, Ellie’s slightly younger and slightly less pubescent friend. “I just can’t wait to get mine! It’s to the point where I just use the tampon without my period. There’s always the potential of Toxic Shock Syndrome, and hurts like a mothertrucker to get it up there, but this girlboss applicator makes it all worth it!”