Childhood Pet Somehow Still Alive

By Mia Young

AUGUSTA, ME – Fifteen year old Bulldog mix “Benji” is somehow still alive, much to the surprise of his owners, the vet, and God.

Mandy, a college student in her second year, states that every holiday when she comes home she expects that it will be her last Christmas with Benji. “He hasn’t seemed to age at all, which is strange.” she said while watching Benji roll around on the carpet. “Of course, I’m not complaining, but I was emotionally prepared for his death two years ago. Dragging it out like this is kind of selfish.”

Mandy’s father, Joe, has a similar outlook on Benji’s longevity. “He’s a great dog and all, but when we got him I was thinking it would be a shorter commitment. He just won’t leave.” he said, gesturing towards Benji who began to hump the sofa. 

However, according to Mandy’s mom, Tina, he’s as healthy as ever, even acting like a puppy most of the time. According to her he still “plays fetch, runs around, and tries to have sex with other dogs at the park.” 

“It’s extraordinary really, I have no idea how he could be this healthy at his age.” said Dr. Ruth, a veterinarian with over 40 years experience. “A wonderful breeding specimen I presume. If he were my dog I’d have other plans.” he whispered.

Regardless, the family has already picked out an urn for him after he’s cremated. “He’s been a good dog.” Joe said somberly. “I hope he dies soon.”