By Alexandra Miller
LOS ANGELES, CA — A breakthrough medical discovery confirming the existence of a new pleasure center, the N-spot, occurred accidentally when a scientist found themselves moaning and shaking during a routine coronavirus test.
Biologist Landon Nutters made the accidental discovery. “Being a man of science I followed standard procedure and conducted a full scale study. Over 100 randomly selected subjects are currently having that sexy swab go deep, deep into them,” he moaned seductively. “ Really swirled around again and again, perfectly hitting that magic spot.”
Dr. Nutters had to excuse himself to the bathroom, discreetly grabbing a packaged swab from the stash in his desk deemed for “recreational use”.
Present in all humans, the discovery of the N-spot is being dubbed an “equality win” by feminist groups. “Maybe men will be able to find this one.” said cautiously optimistic college Senior Sharon McDaniels. “If they can’t will I be disappointed? Yes. But I just ordered a new, vibrating, silicon swab that can always get the job done.”
A Center for Disease Control report published last week shows a 150% increase in testing since this scientific finding was published. “It’s a miracle, everyone wants to get tested,” said CDC spokesperson Clara Sparks in a press conference. “We just can’t keep up with demand. Some people are coming two, three times a day. We have to sanitize the entire area after each patient since they frequently fall out of their chairs, start shaking, and grasping everything possible. We’ve even had to soundproof testing facilities since nearby residents complain about round the clock orgasmic screams. But I do believe this is the most important corona-related medical discovery in history.”
Will this new revelation help end Coronavirus? Scientists, professors, and Reddit users say no. Will it make this deadly pandemic more enjoyable? The quivering masses say yes.