by Melanie Hoffmann
FRESNO, CA — Despite the tragedy of the COVID-19 pandemic, local mother Martha Ginderson was happy that the quarantine at least meant she would get to spend Mother’s Day with all three of her children at home. However, when she awoke on Sunday, only two cards were present on her bedside table. Middle child, Pepperdine University junior, and former bedwetter Travis Ginderson swears that his card must be lost in the mail, despite the fact that he literally lives down the hall from his mother.
Regarding the mix-up, Travis Ginderson said, “I totally remembered! I sent my card in the mail just like I’ve done since freshman year of college. But of course, it probably got lost, like it does every year. Even if I did forget, which I didn’t, it wasn’t because I’m a bad son or I don’t value my mom. I’m just super focused on my music right now.” Travis is reportedly in a Ska band called “The Doggos.”
Speaking on Travis’ character, youngest child Rebecca Ginderson shared, “This is just the way he is. One year for Christmas, he gave us all coupon books for free performances by his Ska band.” Eldest child Leah echoed the sentiment. “On my birthday last year, he said he had to take out the trash. He came back a half hour later with a peanut butter cookie from Subway. I’m allergic to nuts, but he did stab me with my Epipen, which was pretty sweet.”
Martha also weighed in on the controversy. “He’s trying his best, but I don’t understand why he didn’t just sneakily sign one of his sibling’s cards.”
Spurned by the disbelief of his family, Travis is doubling down on his attack on the United States Postal Service. “I’m demanding that the government cut their funding.”