by Veronica Marks
Users of Twitter were alarmed on Tuesday when they woke up to posts from the popular yogurt tube brand “Gogurt” pleading for the bliss of an eternal sleep. Gogurt’s account, which had previously been home to tweets like “Who’s excited for our new WATERMELON WOW flavor?” had now tweeted “Please, someone end my life. Oh God, please, I just can’t take it anymore.”
Many expressed concern, including the Twitter account for Kool-Aid, which replied “Oh NO!”, the McDonald’s Twitter, which commented, “I am NOT loving this,” and the Kraft Mac&Cheese Twitter, which commented, “I don’t have a slogan, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you if you wanna talk <3”.
Others were not so empathetic. “I guess I just don’t know if I should…feel something?” said Jonathan Gonzales, an active user of Twitter. “Like, when I saw Gogurt tweet, ‘Please, someone put me out of my misery. End it now, right fucking now, so I don’t have to suffer,’ part of me is like, ‘oh no, they’re really going through it.’ But then the other part of me is like, it’s a tube of yogurt?”
However, some users felt connected to the brand’s struggles. “Sometimes, it feels like nobody understands what I’m going through,” said Twitter user CeCe Young. “I have a deep well of sadness inside me, and I sometimes worry that the darkness will swallow me whole until I’m just a shell of my former self. But it’s comforting to know that the popular drinkable yogurt company ‘Gogurt’ is going through the exact same thing.”
For now, it seems that Gogurt’s pleas have been unanswered. Its most recent tweet was, “Dear God. Someone please tear me open and suck out every last delicious drop…of Watermelon Wow!”