by Joey Rayburn
LOS ANGELES, CA – Across the country, Americans gathered in living rooms and planted themselves in front of flat screen TVs to watch the big game with friends and family. They also realized that this Super Bowl party could have just been a normal one.
Shortly after arriving at her friend Tucker’s Super Bowl party, Marcia Maye had a horrifying thought: “I’m looking around and here’re all of our friends that we usually have parties with. Except it’s 4:30 on a Sunday afternoon and we’re about to watch football for three-and-a-half hours.”
Maye’s realization seemed to dawn on the other guests as well. Tycho Khan was also surprised by the subdued nature of the party. “I burst in with a six-pack and a back pocket full of some choice hash, and these clowns were watching a commercial for Purina Puppy Chow like it was the entertainment event of the year!”
For Maye, the environment of the party was an unwelcome change of pace. “Typically, when I’m over here for a party, there’s liquor on the coffee table and ‘ABBA’s Greatest Hits’ blasting over the speakers,” Maye said. “But now there’s a cheese plate where the liquor used to be and I’m having to listen to Tony Romo talk about what the Rams have to do to win the game.”
As her fellow guests began to accept their fate, Maye couldn’t help but dream of the party that could have been. “Just invite us over the night before and treat the party like a Super Bowl pre-game,” Maye suggested. “Or invite us over next Friday and we can celebrate the victory of the Minnesota Turnstiles or whoever is playing.”
At press time, Khan was seen sneaking into the bathroom, pulling his “choice hash” out of his back pocket and munching down on a cheese cracker with the other.