Best Friend From High School Clearly Lying About Getting Laid in College

by Alex Greenblatt

NEW YORK CITY – The Sack confirmed last Thursday that Rob Broux’s best friend from high school, Ricky Katsopolis, was bragging about getting laid. However, Broux commented, “We all know he’s full of it.”

Katsopolis himself provided a statement to Sack, saying, “Yeah, I pork twenty-four-seven. It’s pretty dank.”

“He calls me every day to tell me about it,” Broux revealed. “At first, I let him have his fun, but after a while it just got tiring. He tries to go into specifics, but I don’t think he really knows how it works.”

Katsopolis elaborated. “What? No, I totally know how getting it on works. I just don’t wanna gross you guys out by talking about it.”

While Katsopolis was a “blue balled virgin” in high school with speculation that he might have been a “penisless gay”, Katsopolis makes sure to call his friend every day to confirm that he indeed “does the dirty with the hottest chick in class.”

When asked for a statement from the woman Katsopolis was allegedly having relations with, Katsopolis said, “…Oh, you wouldn’t know her, she lives in Canada.” When further questioned by the Toronto Herald, Katsopolis said, “Oh, not your part of Canada, it’s, like, the other side…”

At press time, Katsopolis let a Magnum wrapper fall out of his pocket and commented, “Oh no. What’s this? I guess I just leave these everywhere now that I’m getting it on all the time.”

Alex Greenblatt

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