Mitt Romney Loses Presidential Election

by Alex Greenblatt

WASHINGTON — After a tense night of counting ballots, it appears that Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney has lost the Presidential election.

Dedicated Republicans across the country are saddened that their candidate wasn’t able to overcome his opponent, Barack Obama.

In response to this devastating loss, Neil Dunn, Florida’s 2nd District Representative said, “Romney? Did he run this year?”

Many republicans are currently in denial of this devastating loss, with Minnesota’s 6th District Representative, Tom Emmer even stating, “What? No, he won. He’s the senator of Utah now.”

Democrats, on the other hand, are overjoyed, walking the streets with signs that read, “Not My President”—referring to how Mitt Romney isn’t their president, or shouting things like, “President Trump [sic] does not control my body.” When Sack corrected one of the protesters’ pronunciations of “Obama,” he replied, “What?”

Republicans are really having a hard year, with Romney’s loss coming in the wake of evidence that suggests that Richard Nixon possibly colluded with the DNC break in.

Alex Greenblatt

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