by Joseph Grazier
LOS ANGELES, CA – In a contract that pays Dick Wolf enough money to purchase a “sizable” Eastern European Country, NBC announced today their plans to renew Law & Order: Special Victims Unit for a record breaking 68 years.
The hit show was renewed as part of the network’s new “more of the same” approach that had seen them great success over the years, and various reasons for the decision were cited from Ice-T’s long-awaited completion of his acting classes to lower production costs. NBC executive Katherine Baywell mentioned plans to fire the show’s writing staff in favor of having Tommy, her seven year-old son, “throw darts at potential plot outlines” as freeing up space in the budget.
“We were already paying them to do basically nothing,” Baywell went on to say. “Last season we accidentally re-used a script from a few years back after an intern filed it in the wrong place, and by the time we noticed we were in too deep to do anything about it. We won an Emmy.”
When asked if she had concerns about the cast’s future, Baywell assured reporters plans were “well underway,” including one experimental approach hoping to clone several supporting cast members before their next contract renewal in 2043. Past attempts had resulted in “hideous, grotesque reminders of the potential follies of playing god with biology,” but were excused thanks to their responsibility for NBC’s brief but profitable foray into the “budget meats” market.
“Maybe we’ll do a prequel series with the clones when they’re kids, ‘Law & Order: Hall Monitors’ or something,” Baywell casually remarked, smoking a cigarette. “It’s working for CBS with that piece of garbage Young Sheldon.”