by Joey Rayburn
LOS ANGELES — Ooh, boy! This week is going to be a rough one for Dr. Riley Reid. Reid, a licensed therapist whose areas of expertise includes depression and anxiety, is used to her frequently challenging and demanding work. However, even she has no idea what’s coming her way this week via patient Vincent Price.
“Usually I go in and talk about my week: the things that stress me out and made me upset, like there not being any coffee in the morning or the way Clint said ‘Hi’ and whether or not that means he despises me,” Price explained, wiping away tears. “This week, though? My car got towed with my dog in it and that’s only the sixth worst thing that happened in the past seven days!”
Within the past week, Price experienced several other life altering moments: “On Wednesday, my girlfriend left me for the boss who fired me on Monday rather than give me time off to take care of my sick grandmother. Turns out, I didn’t even need the time off, because my grandma died on Tuesday.”
With all this misfortune in the span of seven days, Price knew there was another victim in his hellish week. “Dr. Reed is sitting at home right now thinking tomorrow I’m going to stroll in a talk about how I get anxious putting change in my pocket when there’s people behind me in line,” Price clarified. “Little does she know, that’s not really a major issue for me anymore now that my apartment has a black mold infestation!”
When asked what exactly she expected from her session with Price this week, Reid, who was busy picking up tissues from a previous client, had this to say: “Vincent is one of my favorite patients. Honestly, his little anxieties are such a nice break from the pretty heavy issues most of my clients face. He’s like a nice, underhand pitch. I really appreciate that.”
It’s hard to say just how surprised Dr. Reid will be come tomorrow afternoon at five-thirty, but what can be said is that, at press time, Price was stuffing his bag full of tissue packets and a bottle of Propofol.