by Christine Politte
UNIVERSITY PARK– After a tumultuous relationship lasting two decades, junior Leah Carpenter made the tough decision to stop talking to herself due to the incredibly dull conversation.
“There are only so many conversations about the same three topics that a person can take,” said an exasperated Carpenter. “All I ever talk about is Game of Thrones, school, and myself. Like gosh, get a hobby, right?”
Carpenter believes the separation will allow her to lead a happier, more productive life.
“I was always distracting myself when I was trying to get work done,” sighed Carpenter, who hasn’t had any new or notable experiences in over a month. “And it was never anything interesting, either. ‘Look how sunny it is today,’ stuff like that. Come on! It’s Southern California! It’s always sunny!”
Carpenter’s roommate, Allison Nguyen, has given the pair plenty of space.
“Honestly it’s a big relief,” said Nguyen as she shelved her noise-cancelling headphones. “I was tired of all the tension. I don’t want to encourage conflict, but it’s so much better when they’re not talking.”
At press time, Carpenter was purposefully avoiding eye contact with herself in the bathroom mirror as she brushed her teeth.