by Jack Hackett
LOS ANGELES, CA — While party host Harold Franks and his friends were watching the Rams game on Sunday, the feed to the TV cut out. Local shaman Luke Benson got up from the couch and jiggled the cords, summoning the picture back to the television.
“Yeah, sometimes you just gotta waggle the cables for a bit. It’s a pretty loose connection,” said the mystic.
The room was spellbound by how quickly the medicine man conjured the signal to the screen. While Benson was up, Franks asked him if he could use his divine powers on a laptop that was stuck on the login screen.
“I just turned it off and back on. And then it was fine,” declared the wizard. “Sometimes you just have to do that. Tech is weird.”
Astounded by another technical miracle, the room showered Benson with offerings of Funyuns and Bagel Bites for healing the MacBook Air. The tech savvy summoner politely declined: “Nothing I’m doing is complicated. They could do it themselves.”
At press time, the room sacrificed a pig in a blanket in Benson’s name for cleaning the lint out of an iPhone port with the end of a paper clip.