by Chai Karve
MONTVILLE HILTON BALLROOM — Last weekend, at Ajay Patel and Meghan Linder’s wedding, it happened again. As the festivities ramped up, the drinks flowed freely and so did the dancing. Then, everyone shimmied into some sort of a goddamn circle formation and swayed in place like a bunch of idiots.
No one watching or participating in this strange, naturally occurring phenomenon was happy with the outcome.
“I guess it’s a tribal thing,” posited Joe, an anthropology major and groomsman. “I see no other reason for this weird display of embarrassing circular bullshit,” said Lengel.
Several members of the circle kept looking around at each other, their eyes clearly communicating a deep sense of dread.
“I wanted it to end,” confessed Amanda Whitman from the bride’s side. “But I had no idea how.”
The next 3 to 7 minutes were spent ushering various parties into the center of the circle, like a poorly choreographed circus. Although raucous cheers went up from the wall of the circle, they quickly died down after realizing that Jerome could only spend so much time in the center.
At press time, the circle had only grown larger, consuming the ceremony.