by Christine Politte
LOS ANGELES, CA — When Valerie Mason climbed into her Uber Pool last Thursday night, she was unprepared for what awaited her. Touching legs with a fellow passenger known only as Amanda, Mason experienced the most intimate contact she had experienced this year.
Mason was returning home after an hour at a party where no one returned her attempted hug-greetings. But her sad evening turned right around when the Uber made a third pickup and Mason was squashed between Amanda and the left passenger door.
“I felt tingly all over. It’s like the time the cashier at CVS brushed my hand when he gave me my change last month,” swooned Mason. “But Amanda won’t break my heart with those six words no girl wants to hear: ‘Have a nice day. Next customer!’”
“It was the perfect moment, when ‘Show Me Love’ came on the radio and she scooted next to me,” continued Mason, whose one previous relationship started and ended with a freshman icebreaker that involved holding hands. “As soon as I find her last name, I’m going to ask her to marry me,” said Mason.
Tragically, the lovebirds’ bliss was cut short when the car arrived at Amanda’s destination. Although she cried at their parting, Mason was confident it was only temporary. “If you love someone, let them go, and they will return to you,” she said with a sad smile.
The Sack tracked down the mysterious Amanda to find out what destination could possibly be more important than the love she shared with Mason. After a moment deep in thought, she replied, “Last Thursday? Oh, I think I was visiting my boyfriend. I guess there was a girl next to me? I wasn’t really paying attention.”