by Chai Karve
USC — We at the Sack of Troy have received word that local junior Jane Lazuli’s boyfriend is the funniest motherfucker alive. Lazuli constantly cites his comedic chops, which she claims are unmatched by friends, family, or any human being she has come into contact with in 20 years.
“He makes me laugh so much!” exclaimed Lazuli. “He always knows just what to say.”
When asked for an example of a joke from her boyfriend, Lazuli pivoted quickly.
“It’s always like, situational stuff,” she explained. “You really have to be there. It’s hard to describe, he’s just, like, on it, you know? Oh, and he shares the funniest memes!”
Lazuli mentioned later in conversation that her last boyfriend was also “like, the funniest guy ever” which called into question her comprehension of words ending in “iest” and the word “ever”.