by Chai Karve
USC — After collecting tear-stained exams from his students, Professor George Madoff lit up a cigarette and asked his students, “Was it good for you?” The students did not know what to say, considering they had been so thoroughly boned by Madoff’s exam.
“I always like to ask afterwards,” noted Madoff. “That way I know if I did a good job or a great job.”
As students left the lecture hall for the last time, they swore to themselves they would never come back. Such an intense shellacking could only be followed up by a three month nap.
“I don’t mind a difficult test, but this one was the hardest thing I’ve ever taken,” conceded junior Lauren Baruti. “I hate it when professors pull that kind of freaky intellectual jujitsu. It’s tough to not feel like you just got mentally pounded.”
Professor Madoff felt as though he had held up his end of the relationship by providing a once-in-a-semester plow sesh, but the majority of students felt otherwise.
“I knew I would get doinked, but not that bad,” stated sophomore Chris Bennington. “If I knew I’d be crammed in the A by week one material, I would’ve prepared better.”
After the last of the students piled out of room, Professor Madoff finished his crisp cigarette and began setting the syllabus for next term, outlining exactly when, how, and for what percentage he was going to boff his students.