by Jack Hackett
LITTLE ROCK, AR — The LRPD Bomb Squad was called to a Walmart parking lot Wednesday to defuse an explosive ordnance: area mother Mary Winston counting to three. The counting began when her six year-old son refused to exit her 1998 station wagon.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen when she gets to three, but I don’t want to be around to find out,” uttered bomb technician Reginald Hammers.
Once word broke out about Winston, civilians gathered at the scene to watch the countdown of the maternal time bomb.
“It’s impossible to know when she’s gonna blow,” said bystander Jessica Wyatt, trembling. “She keeps making up fractions like two and a half and two and three quarters.”
As the fractions continued to increase in denominator, LRPD officials moved bystanders to a safe area clear from the blast radius. Luckily, when Winston got to 2 and 45/46ths, her child finally exited the vehicle, evoking sighs of relief from the crowd.
The next day Hammers quit the force, hoping he never comes that close to a mean spanking ever again.