Smoking Banned, Student Doesn’t Know What to Do with Sick New Hookah Setup

by Jack Hackett

USC — After Provost Michael Quick’s school-wide smoking ban reaching all on and off-campus university owned housing, sophomore Ethan Webb now has no idea what to do with his new, sick hookah set up.

“What the ass? I just bought this,” whined Webb. “God, I was so pumped. Now what am I going to do with all this flavored tobacco wax shit?”

Webb bought his Turkish styled pipe in hopes of having many “poppin” nights with his roommates and neighbors. But now his handcrafted hookah collects dust on the shelf above his bed.

“I am beyond bummed,” confessed Webb. “Especially since I just picked up an Egyptian rug specifically for smoking, but now it’s basically useless. I can’t use the rug for anything.”

Although still in the dumps, Webb realized he can go to his bud Ricky Bass’ Menlo house to smoke every Wednesday night for hookah hump day.

Jack Hackett

He is your run of the mill bad boy. He hangs out by the dumpsters during recess sucking down cigarettes. He is complex by nature, but is simply looking for love.