The Sack of Troy strives to bring our readers objective news they can trust, no matter their political leanings. However, we understand that our readers look to us for guidance, so we will no longer remain quiet on what could be the most influential election of our lifetimes. When it comes to the candidates, there is only one option.
The Sack of Troy endorses Mikey McCormack for Pine Valley Middle School Eighth Grade Class President.
Mikey has a proven track record. From his awesome Joker impression to his six minute mile time, he’s shown that he’s the kind of kid the eighth grade class can rely on. He promises to bring the good sodas back to the vending machines, allow cell phones at lunch, and bring dodgeball back to P.E. class. Plus he’s the only candidate talking about free pizza Fridays and replacing science class with video game time.
In a heated election, Mikey put his words into actions. When his opponent said he couldn’t beat Free Bird on Expert, he did. When his opponent said he couldn’t pass Ms. Garner’s chemistry quiz, he got a D. When his opponent gave out election buttons, he gave out election candy. Mikey McCormack proved no one can hold him back. He’s a champion of life, but also a man of the people.
“Mikey is a guy I can get behind. He taught me three bad words in Spanish. If that’s not presidential, then I don’t know what is.”
Richard Freedman – sits behind Mikey in Biology
The stakes are too high to give in to the divisive campaign of Mikey’s opponent, Sally Chesterfield. She has shown time and time again that she doesn’t have what it takes to lead Pine Valley to victory. Look at the facts. She’s not allowed to have a Facebook account. She’s got braces and no boobs. The choice is clear.
So when you go to the polls November 8th, remember the Sack of Troy wants you to vote Mikey McCormack for Pine Valley Middle School Eighth Grade Class President.