HEAVEN – At a recent press conference, our divine Lord and Creator stated that, without a doubt, one social media “like” equitably translates into one prayer. Our one true Divine Being stated that He Himself invented the conversion factor as a way of spiritually and digitally connecting with contemporary youth culture.
“I know how hip social media is for you kids nowadays, and we here in the clouds figured we might as well adjust to the times,” said the Big Man Upstairs, who added that He’s a strong proponent of #TeamFollowBack.
God affirmed that He and his think tank of Archangels decided to create the system after a study found that 96% of adults between the ages of 18 and 26 use Facebook at least once a day, while only 36% pray daily to their Eternal Father.
He also clarified that the system will expand to include the new Facebook buttons (see chart below):
1 Like = 1 prayer
1 Wow = 10 Hail Marys
1 Sad = 1 Sorrowful Mystery of the Rosary
1 Love = 1 Our Father
1 Share = 1 Full Rosary
“Trust me, anytime you tap that thumbs-up button, I’m hearing ya loud and clear up here and am doing my best to help out that disabled war veteran or starving African child,” God said, “And if you keep scrolling past those photos without acknowledgement, you will surely go to H-E-double hockey sticks.”
God added that He was confused as to why His children questioned the legitimacy of the conversion factor in the first place. He stressed the fact that of course clicking an icon on your computer screen is just as valuable as asking an invisible man in the sky to help someone that you’re too lazy to help yourself.