by Cameron Wen
USC – A variety of sights, scents, and sounds can be found at any given time in the New North Dorms, but freshman Jack Simpson is plagued by one set of sounds in particular, the constant thumping emanating from the other side of his wall.
“I just don’t want to make any assumptions,” said Simpson. “Greg, my neighbor, is a great guy. I don’t want to just pin him immediately as the ‘sex guy’, you know? Sure, rusty pipes don’t usually shout ‘Spank me daddy!’ but anything is possible.”
These thumping noises are not an isolated incident though; New North seems to have a whole assortment of sounds coming from it’s walls. Last weekend, other residents reported hearing “He’s wearing a wire!” followed by loud popping noises coming from Rob Morris’s room, Simpson’s other neighbor.
“Again, I don’t want to make any assumptions,” said Simpson. “Rob is a great guy. I don’t want to just pin him immediately as the ‘drug deal gone wrong guy’. I like to keep an open mind.”
Simpson’s fellow neighbors haven’t been so slow to judge though, already pinning Simpson as the “eavesdropping guy” and the “sings poorly in communal the shower guy”.