by Chai Karve
COMPTON, CA — At Ralphs Corporate Headquarters, panic is afoot. Top analysts in the company came to a startling realization — they never bothered to put an apostrophe in Ralphs.
Founded by George Albert Ralphs in 1873, Ralphs always assumed everyone knew that it was, in fact, Ralph’s Ralphs. Having realized their blunder, Ralphs’ executive board has issued heartfelt apologies to customers who felt like they were shopping at “Ralph’s Ralphs” and not “Ralphs’ Ralphs.” It’s a slight difference in syntax, but tremendous in meaning.
The corporation is expected to make the grammatical correction soon. Rebranding will be difficult, but from now on Ralphs will be recognized first and foremost as Ralph’s Ralphs not Ralphs’ Ralphs.