Roommate More Than Happy to Screw Up Sound for Your Movie

by Jack Hackett and Rob Smat

USC — As undeclared sophomore Colton Samson removed his Hot Pocket from the microwave, his film major roommate, Travis Reins, approached him with a question:

“Hey, roomie. Are you interested in completely messing up my student film with inaudible sound?”

“I’ve never done sound before, but I’ll take a crack at recording unsalvageable audio,” responded Samson.

“Cool! Do you still have those shitty Delta headphones from your last flight?”

“Do I ever!” cheered Samson. “Should I plug them into the jack marked headphone or microphone?”

“Probably microphone since that would be the most useless. And make sure to point to mic away from the actor because that might give us usable audio.”

“Oh, neat. And what about this big cord plugged into the microphone? Where should I put that?”

“Just wrap it around your neck and make sure you don’t tell anybody it’s not plugged in. You don’t want to look stupid in front of the film crew that you’re screwing over.”

“Oh, gotcha. Thanks. Does it matter if the boom gets in the shot?”

“No. In fact, we prefer it. You already fucked the audio, why not the visuals too?”

“This is awesome. I’m so excited. Thank you for letting me waste all of your time and effort.”

As the shoot began, Samson gladly took part in what would later be described as a valuable learning experience.

Jack Hackett

He is your run of the mill bad boy. He hangs out by the dumpsters during recess sucking down cigarettes. He is complex by nature, but is simply looking for love.