Local Man Mildly Miffed by Excessively Long Receipt After Buying One Thing

by Jack Hackett, Chai Karve, and Tarek Roshdy

CVS — After going through self-checkout, Local man Terry Rivers received an extremely long receipt with the purchase of a single bottle of Lemon-Peach Snapple.

“I bought a Snapple and got a Bible,” exclaimed Rivers. “The receipt was full of coupons I’d never use like six dollars off hair cream, and 80% off CVS brand string cheese. Seriously, this thing is longer than War and Peace.”

Rivers promptly crumpled up the receipt and went on his way.

Jack Hackett

He is your run of the mill bad boy. He hangs out by the dumpsters during recess sucking down cigarettes. He is complex by nature, but is simply looking for love.