by Chad Lonski
USC — The USC Office of Study Abroad Programs announced new plans last week to expand ties with the Islamic State terrorist group. The expanded study abroad opportunities with ISIS hopes to promote education in the deep and rich culture of western world destruction and domination.
“Studying abroad is important to expose students to other cultures, identities, and ideas,” states Saundra Lowe of the USC Office of Study Abroad Programs, “Even if studying abroad creates a radical detestation of everything you have come to value in life; the ISIS study abroad connection will immerse students in understanding their western privilege.”
The breadth of study in the new Middle East ISIS Immersion programing will cater to students across multiple majors. Engineering students can benefit from IED and explosives courses, while philosophy and communication students could work on ISIS literature and scripture to help infiltrate the western world; among many other educational opportunities.
The program hopes to be radical in many ways, not only in expanding the USC-ISIS relationship, but in teachings as well. The new program is expected to be a tectonic shift in the way colleges and universities engage with terrorist organizations for the better. The ISIS Middle East Immersion program also provides undergraduates with impressive internship opportunities and job offers.
Senior Chemical Engineering major Alex Smith, who has since disowned the western world, is reportedly enjoying his study abroad experience in an undisclosed uranium mine.
“The opportunities for professional development gained through the ISIS Middle East Immersion Study Abroad Program have been amazing,” states Smith. “Nowhere else would I be able to develop my passion for chemical engineering and my newfound passion for destroying the western world all in one place.”
President Nikias made sure to downplay the criticism and negative publicity the new study abroad immersion program has gained, by stating, “Those bureaucratic advisers from the United Nations and the State Department should get out of the way of USC’s mission to do good. I am not worried that our new ties with ISIS will end anytime soon as the endowment for the program has more oil money and alumni donations than any private or public entity on earth.”