by Rob Smat
USG PRESS CENTER (TROUSDALE PARKWAY) — Election week has come to a close. As USC prepares to elect its first female president since 2006 (despite the near success of the come-from-behind Clooney/Pitt ticket), we retrospectively look back at the other ticket’s journey.
The Providence/Ehren ticket should be praised for legendary levels of evenhandedness, respecting all voters equally and treating every vote with the utmost importance. They even approached their campaign platforms the same way.
Ehren noted his platform’s goals included, “greater involvement from the USC student body, a Fall break, and better goals for assault prevention.” These platforms were great except WAIT WHAT— Did he say Fall Break?! As in, the four day weekend in mid-October that our friends at uglier schools tell us about?
Providence noted that, “though certain platforms were more appealing than others to students, we wanted to exercise an egalitarian approach toward our promises. Fall break is just as important as outreach and grade negotiations.”
Trojans, what have we done?
We failed to see it. Somehow we were blinded by multiple posters up and down Trousdale Parkway, and were tricked into comparing the candidates based on appearance rather than Fall Break as a platform.
Our only hope now lies in our six new residential senators, the voices of our cause, who campaigned tirelessly for the six available senate seats with little to no opposition. They must be the voice to the cause that we didn’t even know about.
We at the Sack wish the best to our inaugurated student politicians and we hope their week in the university-sponsored spotlight has been educational.