Half of Outkast Performs at Conquest

by Morgan Greenwald

This Thursday, USC held its annual Conquest bonfire and concert featuring Big Boi, better known as the weaker half of Outkast.

Before Big Boi graced USC with his presence at 3 a.m., Concert Committee slated several smaller acts, including local a cappella group,The Troy Tonedeafs, and USC’s quidditch team, Broom For One More.

Big Boi’s set featured many of his noteworthy songs, including ‘Hey Ya,’ ‘Temperature,’ and that was all of them.

Because of a slight drizzle a few minutes before Big Boi’s entrance, student workers were enlisted as last-minute janitors to wipe the stage with ShamWows and assure that Big Boi did not slip during his performance. Luckily, the slight drizzle left zero dead and only one injured.

Mr. Boi performed alongside a cardboard cutout of his musical partner, Andre 3000, who could not attend due to prior engagements.

Overall, students were pleased with the Conquest experience. “I didn’t even notice that it was only half of Outkast,” said Iggy Norant, a junior music industry major. “I’m not sure if I even made it to his set, to be honest.”

A detailed rundown of Concert Committee’s 2014 Conquest budget showed that only $2,000 was allotted to performers, while the rest of the $2 million budget was spent on fireworks and a social media committee to count down the days until the concert.

As for the other half of Outkast, crosstown rival UCLA was slated to host its annual “Beat The Trojans” bonfire and feature Big Boi’s counterpart Andre 3000 as its headliner. However, due to budget cuts, UCLA was unable to actually light their bonfire, and instead used the remains of their flooding earlier this year to hold a “Beat The Trojans” flooding event. Inside sources confirm that the school paid the rapper in Chipotle (guac not included).