by Rob Smat
ROSKI SCHOOL OF THEATRE — Local acting student Marie Friedlander is at her wit’s end. It all started one morning when she woke up groggily slapping an alarm clock.
“An alarm clock, can you believe it? Who uses alarm clocks anymore?! I’ve never used anything but my phone. That’s when I knew something was wrong,” reported Marie, who apparently wakes up multiple times a day before completing any given task.
Marie reported that her day is “one constant slice of life,” from making food, to silently crushing on a nearby male character, to watching television. “Who watches television on a TV anymore, huh? Nobody.”
Marie’s roommate, Geraldine, is a student taking a film production course at USC and has cast Marie in many of her films. She suspects that Marie may have been too in touch with many of her characters and is unable to live any other way now.
“I blame myself. I started with some slice of movies, starring Marie, and I think she just got stuck in the mindset. I can’t help her now. Nobody can.”
Marie is unable to do anything of interest now, and even when she tries to go to parties, she can only stand in the corner and watch other people. At best, she reports getting hit on by a token jock before cutting to her returning to her room at night depressed.
“I’m missing half of my life due to crosscuts, fades, and jump cuts.” continued Friedlander. “It’s like someone is constantly removing anything but the major emotional rollercoaster points of my life. SO MANY FEELS.” Friedlander was unable to continue, as she removed herself from the interview immediately thereafter to return to bed in the case she might have to wake up for a midnight snack.
Her roommate reports that her upcoming assignments will require dialogue, which may permit Marie’s condition to progress into using her voice. Initial reports are that she has spent most of her time yelling and singing unaccompanied musical numbers.