by Rob Smat
REGAL CINEMA LABS, EARTH — L.A.’s Regal Cinema, located just south of downtown, has recently become the first theater in North America to host a 4DX theater. The 4DX entails a three-dimensional movie, plus sensations of lights, smells, and movement of the chairs, to give the audience an immersive experience.
L.A.’s Regal Cinema is also the first theater in our solar system to host a black hole.
The unfortunate genesis of the infinite gravitational vacuum was the result of an attempt to conform a 2-D movie into the 4DX mold. And this black hole has currently consumed over half of the Staples Center and has only begun in its quest to destroy our galaxy.
“What have we done?” bemoaned Quinn Jett, chief researcher of the L.A. Live Labs. Sources confirmed that Dr. Jett was not familiar with the concept of the black hole and he has been informed since his question. Upon being told they had essentially destroyed Earth as we know it, Dr. Jett noted, quote unquote: “See you in Vegas, suckers.”
How did this happen? Well, a 3-D movie already occupies three dimensions of space, and by adding motion and smell and bubbles, the fourth dimension is introduced, i.e. 4DX. So, when the scientists attempted to take the 2-D movie and force it into 4DX, they had to access another dimension entirely, hence the black hole entering our universe.
Stephen Hawking remarked, “They should have just put a tiny letter ‘D’ in the corner of the movie screen. They went way too far. I’m a physicist and I’m mad at them, Good God. Excuse me, Nonexistent God.” (God was unavailable for comment or rebuttal.)
World leaders are currently in negotiations with the black hole for Earth’s survival. The black hole has agreed to spare Earth in return for the cast of Jersey Shore, every copy of Transformers 2, and eleven bitcoins.