THE ROW – Looking for a unique Greek-life experience, USC icon EVKitty rushed TKE this fall, after being dropped by Sigma Alpha Meow. TKE actives welcomed the addition to their pledge class with open arms and pats.
“Diversity is really important to us as a social organization,” said TKE President James Richardson, as he pantomimed feline ears. “EVKitty has so much to offer our brotherhood.”
A special miniature-sized wooden paddle will be manufactured for EVKitty to carry around campus for the remainder of the semester, and not be hazed with in any way. The paddle will reportedly teach EVKitty the essentials of cooperation and teamwork.
When asked what first enticed her into rushing TKE, EVKitty responded that she identified with TKE’s reputation for loving cuddles. She also meowed.
EVKitty wasn’t sure about leaving her home of 3 years to live in as a pledge, but she quickly discovered it was just as easy to find food on the floor. The TKE house also featured squalid living conditions, safety hazards, and rodents of various sizes. Just like EVK, the TKE house receives regular visits from ambulances.
EVKitty also remarked that just like her home dining hall, TKE also had little to write home about after 8 pm.
IFC was reluctant to let a female join a fraternity, but after a few kitty kisses, they couldn’t say no. EVKitty declined to comment, but accepted our milk offering.
EVKitty has already been voted by sororities all over the row as the cutest TKE pledge this semester, as well as the cutest TKE member to ever exist. EVKitty is expected to attend every sorority formal this upcoming semester in a miniature kitty suit. Since EVKitty’s induction into the pledge class, female attendance at TKE events has reached a record high.