THE ROW—This year, in addition to the customary plastic tarps, red cups and the other accoutrements of the college party, one party supply company will provide a new kind of “hot” commodity: Females.
Psi Beta social chair Max Applebaum recalled, “The sales rep for Greektek was very professional and made the process so easy. Our order was large enough to get a bulk discount, and he even had a booklet showcasing the different colors and sizes we could order from. It was an entire binder full of women.”
As of press time, the cargo of females, manufactured at Greektek’s central facility in Cholerabad, India, was being unloaded at the Port of Long Beach. From there, it will be transferred to semi trucks for delivery to USC.
Members of Psi Beta have already festooned the loading docks behind their house with crude signs reading “bros” over one loading dock and “babes” over the other.
Members of the fraternity attributed the decision to order the women to declining attendance at their parties and social events by the gentler sex.
“There have just been fewer and fewer over the past year and a half,” speculated fraternity brother Amit Siktar, “Maybe we used them up.”