A Sack Investigation: Why Choose USC?

by Staff

With a glut of bright-eyed, optimistic high schoolers declaring their intent to enroll at our fine institution, we at Sack of Troy decided to research why many of next year’s incoming freshmen chose USC.

Reasons the incoming freshmen chose USC:

• Burrito-box 19%    
• Burrito Box 17%    
• Box of Burritos 10%    
• Caja de Burritos 3%    
• Song Girls 11%    
• Miranda Cosgrove 8%    
• Because fuck the Ivy League schools, that’s why! .2%    
• Because I didn’t get into any Ivy League schools 8.5%         
• Secretly believes they’ll find out they’re the next Spielberg and wants to be prepared to enter the film industry 6.9%         
• Chicks, man 5%    
• The Great Off-Campus Environment 0%    
• Any place that hires Arnold Schwarzenegger has to be good, right? 3.3%    
• Easier to do experiments on homeless people when so close to Skid row 1%     
• At the University of Southern California, students prepare to meet the challenges of the 21st century through a world-class education unmatched anywhere else. Undergraduate coursework emphasizes an examination of issues within a global framework and provides numerous opportunities to study abroad, encourages students to pursue original research, emphasizes the application of classroom knowledge to solving real-world problems, and fosters a commitment to community service.  5.5%
• Does not speak English and was unable to answer the question 28%
• Just wants to drink and go to rad football games for four years 7% 
• No shootings* in over a year**        
• Parents had $160,000 lying around, so why not? 2%    
• Needs constant sunlight, Starbucks to survive 3%         
• Weed 4.5%
• Proximity to my street Gang 3%
• I heard I had a great time at Explore 2%         
• It was my top choice .1%   

*On campus

**That the university informed students about