by Zoe Haddad
The creators of the dating app Tinder revealed today that the app was originally intended for squirrels at USC. The app, which was created by USC students in September of 2012, is notorious for true, long-lasting relationships among young humans.
Tinder works on the basis of only being able to talk to someone if both parties ‘like’ each other’s profiles. Users also must have a Facebook account. The app syncs with the user’s Facebook account, which then displays personal information on the app, such as which bands you liked in order to seem cool and which real estate companies’ pages you liked because your aunt asked you to.
Not unlike the app itself, Tinder’s creators would like to keep their anonymity and asked to be referred to as ‘Deep Throat.’
Deep Throat created the app during a party at Birnkrant where some squirrels happened to be hanging out outside the window. Deep Throat watched as none of the squirrels were interacting with one another, presumably due to social awkwardness. By creating a dating app for the squirrels, Deep Throat thought they could tear down that wall of awkwardness and turn it into straight-up asking for fellatio.
When approached for comment, a Norris Theater squirrel was occupied scoping out the grounds for Steven Spielberg and could not be reached.
Students use this app “occasionally,” says senior postmed student Ina Liàrr. However, Ina’s sister Nadia Liàrr, who majors in online communications, says most students use it multiple times a day. She says, “I speak for everyone when I say we all use this app every day. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar.” Both Liàrrs agreed that the squirrels could definitely benefit from the app though.
Deep Throat says the reason humans ended up using Tinder is due to one technicality. “When we first released Tinder app, it was only available to iPhones, and, unfortunately, the squirrels all had Androids.”
The Tinder app is now available on Androids, but Deep Throat says they don’t think the app is ready for squirrels anyways. “You need patience. Love isn’t something to be rushed. And it’s very easy to accidentally click ‘Nope’ instead of ‘Like’. If humans are having trouble with this, then squirrels most likely will, too.”