by Caroline Langella
NEW NORTH- On Wednesday it was reported that an “actual fire alarm” went off in the beloved EVK dining hall, endangering the lives of many.
All North Area residents and unlimited dining plan members were forced to evacuate the premises immediately to insure their safety.
While ordinarily students would assume this fire to be a false alarm, residents of New/North no longer have the luxury of making educated guesses. A recent letter was sent to all North Area residents stating that in the case of an emergency, all students must exit the building in “4 minutes or less.”
Every student who fails to do so will be documented by DPS and fined $200. “Residents should expect mandated drills and no exceptions to this new rule will be made.”
To clarify the meaning of “no exceptions” DPS Officer Taksa Veishin issued a statement earlier this morning:
“In the case of a fire, ALL students must exit New/North in under 4 minutes to avoid being fined $200. This includes (and is not limited to) students stuck in the shower, burn victims, and even students killed in the process of escaping. There are NO excuses to our rules.”
When questioned for the severity of this rule, Officer Veishin stated, “We can’t fine one student $200 and let another one go. Dead or alive, we must adhere to the rules we come up with.”
One freshman, who prefers to remain anonymous, is one of a mere three residents that have escaped the fines so far. He said, “DPS didn’t manage to get my name down, but next time I can’t be sure.”
“I just thought it was a drill,” said the anonymous student caught in yesterday’s fire alarm, “But 20 minutes later, I decided to make a run for it when I noticed that the building was filled with more smoke than usual.”