by Dylan Abrams
On Saturday night, a small group of Marks Tower freshmen turned their speakers up to celebrate National World UFO Day. What started out as a Jack-Johnson-kind-of-night soon turned into a hazy mix of The XX and Kenny Chesney.
In a hasty attempt to conceal what was surely 80-85 decibels of pure sound (for which they could be written up), the quick-thinking cohort invited over their friends from next door and threw a full-fledged rager. By the time the RA arrived, nine freshmen and one local 36 year-old man were in the room.
“When I walked in, I saw red cups, strobe lights, and a hobo taking body shots,” said RA Paul Sdeep. “But I knew better than to think the drinking was all that was going on. I knew there had to be music playing somewhere in the room.”
Director of USC Residential Life Howard Newman wasn’t surprised by what happened. “We know students listen to music in their dorms; we’re not ignorant. My guess is that an upperclassmen downloaded Spotify and gave it to the freshman for a small fee.”
The Sack of Troy asked one of the seven busted freshmen about the experience. Steph “Steve” Blake, a freshman majoring in applied communication said, “Bro, I was like 13 or 14 songs deep. I know that some chick tried to click pause when she heard the RA knocking on the door. After that, I couldn’t tell you what happened.”